Doing Tha' Deal!

Moved my blog

2006-03-08T08:06:00.000-05:00

www.doingthadeal.com.

Most of these post suck anyways.................

Just found out who was Googling me from Sweden

2005-12-20T20:07:00.000-05:00

wow........it is amazing how you can find someone 25 years after last saw them. Almost as amazing as the fact that I can say I have memories of 25 years ago.............

The downside is that it doesn't look like I am up for the Nobel prize (did they have one for sarcasm?)

Someone in Sweden Keeps Googling Me

2005-12-20T09:47:00.000-05:00

Look

Someone must be nominating me for a Nobel prize..........

Trust - You either have it or you don't

2005-12-15T08:53:00.000-05:00

My business runs on trust as do most if not all finance businesses. All of the paper in the world can't protect you from someone intentionally setting out to fuck you.

Came across this need little diagram on trust on this site with a great (short) work up on trust.

99 Problems But a Bitch Ain't One?

2005-12-14T09:10:00.000-05:00

Sounds like my new song, well sort of, in a white boy, running a business sort of way................

Vote for Me........or Else!

2005-12-14T08:26:00.000-05:00

I'v been nominated for a best blog award in a contest being run at Recruiting.com. Click on the image to vote (for me)!

Sublime to the ridiculous?

2005-12-14T00:59:00.000-05:00

-Excuse me sir, can we just agree on how much responsibility I will have to assume before I actully fuck up?

Big Four Look to Limit Liability
Waivers of punitive damages and jury-trial rights are quietly finding their way into audit contracts.
CFO.com
December 14, 2005
PricewaterhouseCoopers, Ernst & Young, Deloitte & Touche, and KPMG are trying to minimize their exposure to liability lawsuits by requiring companies they audit to limit their right to sue, reported Bloomberg.
According to the wire service, waivers of punitive damages and jury-trial rights are quietly finding their way into Big Four audit contracts — and attracting criticism from watchdogs who feel that liability caps will make accountants less vigilant. As a result, Bloomberg pointed out, five U.S. banking agencies are preparing to bar large banks from agreeing to these clauses (continued...)

-Don't blame me, I'm just the auditor? Fucking gutless cowards..........

Bitch Session

2005-12-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

No, I wasn't chasing skirts tonight (What do you mean I have a wife already.............)

Every once in a while (about every month to be exact) I get together with a few other morons like myself and shoot the shit about fending for yourself. No grey hairs here, just a bunch of thirty-somethings who are trying to figure out how it all works.

Hop on the Bus (The economics don't work)

2005-12-13T08:48:00.000-05:00

I tried, I tried...........

Since I moved downtown with the wife and Lil' Guy, I have decided to see if it would be possible for us to ditch the car and take the bus/subway on a daily basis. The wife works downtown, Lil'Guy's day care center is across the street from her and I work at Bay and Bloor..........so this should work, right?

Well, not really.

Let's look at it from both a cost and convenience point of view.

The distance of the drive is minimal, about 2 miles to the wife's office and then another 2 miles to my place - for a total of 8 miles a day.

Cost
It cost me $8.00 a day to park near my office. My car uses about 1.2 litres a day for this drive. I'll be conservative and say this cost me $1.20. Total cost of driving is $9.20 a day

A ride on the TTC is $2.50 for an adult and come January when Lil'Guy turns two, he will cost $.60. So right now this would cost $10/day to get to work. This will go up to $11.20

If we buy tokens in bulk, we can get this down to $2.00 a ride or 8 bucks a day for the wife and I. Lets assume that the wife and I live in a perfect world and always have tokens on us (In the real world, I always manage to lose tokens, but that is another story).

Assume that we would take the bus 2 times a day, 5 days a week - so about 20 times a month. Doing the math on this works out to $2 x 2 rides x 2 people x 20 days month = $160 a month or what it cost me to park at the present time.

Now add on the $1.20 x 20 days a month or $24.00 for Lil'Guy once he turns 2 and we are up to $184.00 a month for public transit

Buy a transit pass you say, well the economics on that are less attractive - $98.75 a month per person or $90 a month if you commit to an annual contract. So for the two of us to buy a monthly transit pass we are looking at a cost of $180 to $197.50, plus the $24 for Lil'Guy to ride the rocket and we are up to $204 to $221.50 a month.

Convenience
Wow, I have a new appreciation for the daily struggles of people confined to wheelchairs who attempt to navigate downtown Toronto and the public transit system. Where to start.

Let go from the point of leaving the house in the morning.

1. Getting a stroller on a streetcar is less than fun. Luckily, we leave early (like 6:40 am early) so crowds aren't an issue. Taking a stroller on a streetcar during rush hour is less than fun. The only thing less fun than this is trying to transport a 30lb child over a longish distance with out a stroller (Just for reference, 2 year olds don't walk that fast and sometimes decide not to walk at all).

Some of the Toronto buses are easy to get on to because they have build in ramps and hydraulic systems that lowers the bus down.

2. So now we are heading towards the subway. Good luck getting to the platform. Not all stations have elevators to the platform. In many stations, the escalators only run in one direction, so if you aren't going in that direction, you are taking the stairs, stroller and all.

3. So now we have gotten to the our final station and have to get out of the station..................what's that no elevator? No escalator to street level? That's okay, I can just use the underground tunnels in the downtown core to get to the day care..........who cares if it takes me 3 times as long to get there underground as it does above ground.....I don't mind a good sweaty walk. At least there aren't that many stairs. I love the fact the the little elevators they have for handicapped people or those people pushing strollers often require you to alert a security guard who then has to come and personally operate the lift.

Summary

Total time to get Lil'Guy to day care using public transit- about 25 minutes. Coming home takes about 40 minutes in the middle of rush hour. Driving is much faster, even in downtown Toronto.
Total cost of getting Lil'Guy to day care using public transit - $9.20/day + plus the cost of cleaning what ever it is that you were wearing the day because it is filthy from carrying a dirty stroller up and down flights of stairs
Total cost of getting to daycare when you use cash $10.00 plus $1.20 for Lil'Guy = $11.20
Cost of driving to work - $9.20 (probably less as I highballed the gas) plus no dry cleaning casualties

So what would you do?

A unique example of hedging

2005-12-12T17:40:00.000-05:00

A new spin on death insurance?

Man loses bet by staying alive

"I promise you.......

2005-12-12T14:42:00.000-05:00

that our quality is perfect"

read the email from an overseas manufacturer I have been in discussions with for the past 2 weeks.

"Sir", I replied. "I have yet to come across a manufacturer who claims that their quality is anything 'less' than perfect, but yet, my recent experiences teaches me otherwise. What makes you different?"

I can talk like this having spent about 20 hours or so fixing up some "perfect product" from another manufacturer that raved about the quality of their finished product.

OK, I admit it...........

2005-12-09T21:09:00.000-05:00

I actually read an old article in Fast Company and thought it was worth mentioning............on Walmart no less. A good cautionary tale for anyone considering doing business with the Ogre from Arkansas.

The Wal-Mart You Don't Know

....Wal-Mart has also lulled shoppers into ignoring the difference between the price of something and the cost. Its unending focus on price underscores something that Americans are only starting to realize about globalization: Ever-cheaper prices have consequences. Says Steve Dobbins, president of thread maker Carolina Mills: "We want clean air, clear water, good living conditions, the best health care in the world--yet we aren't willing to pay for anything manufactured under those restrictions."

..It's Wal-Mart in the role of Adam Smith's invisible hand. And the Milwaukee employees of Master Lock who shopped at Wal-Mart to save money helped that hand shove their own jobs right to Nogales. Not consciously, not directly, but inevitably. "Do we as consumers appreciate what we're doing?" Larrimore asks. "I don't think so. But even if we do, I think we say, Here's a Master Lock for $9, here's another lock for $6--let the other guy pay $9.".....

In summary, Walmart can drive a company's revenue through the roof all the while killing its margins, canabalizing other sales channels and slowly become the center of its universe.

What ever happened to the good ol' days

2005-12-09T08:10:00.000-05:00

-What ever happened to the times when Israel and Iran could at least hold hands in public?

(Hum the tune to "We Used to Be Friends" by the Dandy Warhols while reading this little blurb)

Once upon a time, in a galaxy not too far away, Israel and Iran used to be "friends with benefits" in geo-political kinda way.

Then the Islamic revolution happened, the Ayatollahs took over and decided that it wasn't kosher to have an inter-religious relationship with Israel. As it turns out, Iran's father was very upset that it was dating outside of its faith.

So Israel and Iran, needing to keep their relationship on the down low, were still hooking up for the munitions based booty call that would become part of the Iran Contra scandal.

And now this:

Israel calls Iran's president "very dangerous" - Reuters

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Israel called Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad "very dangerous" on Friday after he expressed doubt that the Holocaust occurred and suggested the Jewish state be moved to Europe (continued...)

So is it really over? Do I have a chance with Iran? Do you think she puts out on the first date? Will I have to buy her dinner? Do I need to call her the next day?

Street Cred - Hamas Style

2005-12-08T15:04:00.000-05:00

-But wait, she has 3 more sons to offer up. How did that song go........Momma, don't let your babies grow up to be................

Hamas "mother of martyrs" runs in Palestinian poll - Reuters

Ok, What Do You Really Want From Me?

2005-12-08T14:08:00.000-05:00

No, seriously, just because you nominate me for an award we will not finance your business.

What? You don't want anything from me? You have me really suspicious.

Now if I get an email from you saying I have "won" something, you can bet that I will be keeping an eye on my cheque book.

Paranoid Much?

Wow, that job sucks

2005-12-08T11:20:00.000-05:00

So I spent the last few days in a warehouse fixing up a small problem with a portfolio company.

This was a very hands on, repetitive, monotonous and tedious task, but it was something that needed to get done. Spent about 12 hours hunched over a table in a warehouse in southern NY state.

A delivery guy for a large shipping firm walks by me a few times during the day and at one point he stops next to me and says
"Wow, that looks like a shitty job you got there."

Obviously he did not realize that I was not an employee of the warehousing company.

"Ya dude, it is", I responded as I thought, "Driving a delivery truck would be much more exciting."

Another for the Boo-Fuckin'- Hoo File

2005-12-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

-Here's a quarter, call someone who cares............

Are Lawyers Being Overbilled for Their Test Preparation ?

By JONATHAN D. GLATER
Published: December 4, 2005
Santa Monica, Calif.
MANY executives dream of dominating their industries the way BAR/BRI does the business of helping law school graduates prepare for bar examinations. Every law student knows BAR/BRI. Hundreds of thousands of them have taken its courses to pass the bar, an essential step in most states before a law school graduate can practice law. Some of the best law professors in the country teach segments of the company's courses, which are offered live in select locations and on videotape at others (continued... )

Entrepreneurs Anonymous

2005-12-01T21:21:00.000-05:00

Finished plowing through You Need to Be A Little Crazy: The Truth About Starting and Growing Your Business" by Barry Moltz.

I would like to tell you this book is kinda like "Chicken Soup for the entrepreneurial Soul" except for the fact that I believe book already exists and is probably full of heartwarming cheeseball anecdotes meant to warm the cockles of your heart and help you sleep at night (like the rest of those god awful hokey books).

This book is more like "Bucket of Cold Water Dumped on You at 5:30 Am While You Are Sleeping". It's chocked full of little tidbits of knowledge that make anyone who has ever lived off the edge of their credit cards while starting their business re-live the experiences. This book will make you thank what ever god it is to which you pray that you have a loving, supportive and reasonable spouse who has the good sense to keep a steady job.

Bottom line, building a business is fucking hard, let me repeat that.......FUCKING HARD. You sweat, you cry, you grovel, you manipulate, you do things that are morally questionable. If you don't believe me, read the book. In fact, I think business schools should get rid of their ethics course and put in a reality course - get entrepreneurs to come in and tell the class horror stories about the way life works when money, not grades are involved.

The book is a perfect read for anyone running their own business, not someone "thinking" about starting their own business. Why? Well in addition to being an easy read (good for time crunched business owners), it lets business owners know that the "rough patch" they are going through is universal and the truth is that if someone always tells you that things are always wonderful they are either a liar or delusional. It is a great portable support group - "Entrepreneurs Anonymous" if you will.

Despite what they try to teach you in school, business is not an academic exercise. Do not read this book expecting to find answers, read this book expecting to find out that running a business is a "roll up the sleaves, get your hands dirty, holy shit I could go bankrupt" adventure. Do not take my word for it, spend a few bucks and buy the book.

I disagree with Moltz on the idea of "if you want money, get a job" - if you want short term money, get a job.

And remember, "the worst they can do is eat you and that's illegal" (my second favorite business quote)

Do something nice for your wife or husband

The Book That I Wanted to Write

2005-12-01T08:37:00.000-05:00

A perfect example of the fact that "Someone else has already stolen your idea"

A few weeks back I was asked to review the book "You Need to Be A Little Crazy: The Truth About Starting and Growing Your Business" by Barry Moltz.

And going against a promise I made to myself to never again read a "business book", I agreed.

I am currently about halfway through the book and for the most part, it was the book I wanted to write, except mine would have had a lot more profanity and grizzly details about the dynamics of business relationships.

From what I have read, this book gives a very accurate account of what it is like to go beyond the "tire kicking" phase of starting a business, the only drawback is, that with most things that have to be experienced to be understood, if you haven't had the experience of founding a business (Yes, founding, not being an early employee at a small young company - which may make you dumber/crazier than the founder of the business - but actually putting up your own money, assets and reputation) then you may not see the value of the book. This isn't a knock against the book, but rather a fact of life. I could read all of the books out there about the wonders of needlepoint, but since I don't have any experience with needlepoint, all of the reading in the world won't help me understand or appreciate it.

For me the value of this book comes in knowing either that, "Wow, I am not a total screw up, lots of people go through what I go through to run a business" or "Wow, there are a lot of screw ups out there, just like me". It just depends on the moment

When I finish plowing through the book, I will have a full "review"

Show and Tell? No, more like Show and Go!

2005-11-30T11:38:00.000-05:00

Light Reading - Strip-Club Scandal CEO Quits - Telecom News Analysis

Now woulda thunk dat a telecom industry rag would be doing such a grind on this story. Nothing like some enlightenment on how business really gets done in the telecom sector. Looks like there was more than just hands shaking to close deals with Savvis. The next thing I am looking to see is who sues Savvis for some form of sexual harrasment. Maybe a female employee who was called in to pitch hit when professional stripper was not available?

Envy Is.............

2005-11-30T08:25:00.000-05:00

I envy the crazy people who roam the streets screaming obscenities...............they speak their mind and say what the rest of us are thinking.

A quick guide to financial planning

2005-11-26T07:31:00.000-05:00

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."

- George Best, English Soccer Player

Why I am starting to like Conrad

2005-11-25T08:30:00.000-05:00

- I have never been a big Black fan, but I think I am starting to change. This guy knows how to put on a show.

So the question is, did Radler cave or is Black that delusional? Either way, Black is much more entertaining than Radler.

Ex-press baron Conrad Black predicts 'vindication' - Reuters

Black on White on Black

2005-11-20T18:33:00.000-05:00

Doing a little research on Conrad Black and came across a little piece on him in Slate from 2001. The article contained the following quote in regards to the Canadian character beared repeating:

Here is an old joke about the Canadian character: Why don't you need to
cover a Canadian lobster pot? Because the other lobsters will drag down anyone
that tries to climb out. Black has spent most of his life encouraging his
countrymen to climb out with him. He has waged a gleeful, vicious, and
ultimately unsuccessful war against (what he perceives as) its enervating,
anti-entrepreneurial collectivism. Conrad Black - The newspaper mogul thinks like an American and writes like a Brit. No wonder he's leaving Canada.

It will be quite interesting to see how Black deals with his US legal problems. Part of me wants to see him go down, but the other part of me wants to see him beat the rap. People may not like his way of doing business, but if everything was disclosed to the board and nothing was hidden or fabricated, I am not sure what the crime is (being a greedy bully is not a crime, even in Canada). Finally something interesting in addition to Portus

Another Cheer

2005-11-18T12:59:00.000-05:00

Because people often fall asleep when I explain how financing works, I came up with a second little cheer to make sure people pay attention to the things I say when it comes to outlining the different components of a transaction

Give me an S..............S
Give me an E.............E
Give me a C...............C
Give me a U...............U
Give me an R.............R
Give me an I..............I
Give me a T...............T
Give me a Y...............Y

What does that give you?
Security!
I can't hear you!
Security!
I still can't hear you!
Security!
What are you gonna give me?
Security!

Exactly!

The Priority Song

2005-11-18T10:47:00.000-05:00

Had a little meeting yesterday when the issue of priority came up. So I thought I would come up with some lyrics to explain my position.

P - that's the way we begin
R - that's the second letter in
I - that is the third
O- it sound just like the word
R - that's the letter you see
I- it don't rhyme with B
P -r- i -o- r- i- t- y
That's what I need or our deal won't fly

I think I am going to recite this at my next meeting where someone asks me to take a subordinate position.

Canada has its own alleged fraud - But it is still second rate!

2005-11-17T17:13:00.000-05:00

-$60,000 for a party...........that is still sooooo second rate compared to the $2,000,000 bash that former TYCO CEO Dennis Kozlowski threw for his wife. Keeping in line with the commonly held assumption that the Canadian market is 10 times smaller than the US, Conrad should have spent at least $200K...............Lady Black got ripped off..........Conrad is an alleged cheapskate!

Conrad Black indicted for fraud - Reuters

Happiness is..........

2005-11-17T05:54:00.000-05:00

turning on your computer at 5:30 am and seeing that you have already satisfied some customers' needs and made a few bucks in the process.

It doesn't get much worse

2005-11-16T21:47:00.000-05:00

I have to put on a suit tomorrow

Ack

Hope I remember how to tie a tie

My spelling sucks

2005-11-16T21:39:00.000-05:00

But I am not the one asking for money!

Dudes, when you are looking for capital, spend the time spellchecking your work or find someone else who can.

Thsi waht I deos whne I ma olokign fro mnoey.

Same old Song

2005-11-16T16:31:00.000-05:00

(sung or muttered to the tune of The Sound of Silence)

Hello overdraft, my old friend,
I need to use you again,
Because my payables are creeping,
And my cashflow, it is sleeping,
And meeting company payroll is a huge pain
It remains.
And my banker, believes in silence.

"Hello, is this Prescott Thackery?"

2005-11-16T15:53:00.000-05:00

"Yes it is, how may I help you?"

"I was looking for some financing for my business"

"Ok, tell me a little bit about your business"

"Well, it is just getting up and running. We operate a dog bakery."

"Oh. Haven't the dogs heard about the Zone? I thought they had a Zone for Dogs book out now."
Silence

"Well as much as my Vizsla, Rex, enjoys his baked goods, this isn't a venture we can finance. I am sure that Rex would be quite interested, except all of his money is tied up in T-bones."

When people ask you silly questions, you give them silly answers. I know there is an old adage that "the only dumb question is the one which isn't asked" but let me tell you, a lot of the time, silence is golden.

Double Take!

2005-11-16T14:16:00.000-05:00

Is this for real? Shouldn't this happen more often? Should CEO's have clauses like this in their contracts?

Pay cuts follow Tokyo Stock Exchange IT trouble - IDG News Service

My Clients

2005-11-16T09:45:00.000-05:00

I have decided to start naming my clients and my associates or renaming them I should say. I think the monikers' of the seven dwarfs is a good place to start. But rather than stick with the standard seven (Bashful, Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey and Doc), I thought I would incorporate a number of the rejected names (Wheezy, Puffy, Stuffy, Burpy, Jumpy, Baldy, Nifty, Gabby, Stubby, Deafy, Awful, Dirty, Flabby, Shifty, Woeful, Lazy, Crabby, Biggy-Wiggy, Biggo-Ego)

Just for reference, I am Crabby.

One of the lawyers to whom I once sent a prospective client is Biggo Ego. He thought that re-writing our contract was a good place to start of a relationship. It is unlikely that I will hear from him again. So Biggo Ego could still be had.

More to come.

Dumb Fucks?

2005-11-16T09:38:00.000-05:00

or just fucking dumb?

Young, Assured and Playing Pharmacist to Friends - NYTIMES

Delving in to my past life as a voodoo doctor, I always cringe when I hear about physicians talking about the wonders of medicine. In my mind, less is more, in most cases..........especially in the area of psychiatry. So when I read crap like this from the NY Times, it makes me wonder if people are actually getting dumber.

Oh, and just for clarity sake, from my point of view, about the only thing more useless than most of mainstream medicine is all of alternative medicine.

Yes, the government does help.

2005-11-15T11:50:00.000-05:00

Came across a need little download from Ontario's Ministry of Government Services.

Apparently November 7-13, 2005 was Ontario Consumer Awareness Week. The week was dedicated to raising consumers' awareness about their rights and responsibilities. This is the first I have heard of it, but rather than criticize, I decided to lend a helping hand, even if it is after the fact, and do a little blurb about it here.

The ministry put out its 2006 Fraud Free Calendar provides consumers with important tips on how to protect themselves from fraud and scams in the marketplace, as well as a directory of consumer protection resources.

I thumbed through it myself and it is a pretty useful little tool. Get it here

Another Day, Another Song

2005-11-14T22:06:00.000-05:00

I need a line of credit so my profit will turn black.
Without a line of credit, my cash will never come back.
I see my customers walk in and with them my profit grows
I have to pay my bills or else my company goes.

I see my cash flow statments and want them to turn black.
I read my income statement and want it to turn black
I see bankers turn their heads and quickly look away
Cuz we are a young company, it just happens every day.
(sung to the tune of "Paint it Black" by the Rolling Stones)

Spin Much?

2005-11-14T19:14:00.000-05:00

-Sometimes, you just can't spin things enough.

Martha Stewart not invited back to 'Apprentice' - Reuters

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - NBC hasn't told lifestyle guru Martha Stewart, "You're fired." But to borrow from her own genteel phraseology, she "just doesn't fit" into the network's future schedule, either (continued...)

-It would be easy to take a pot shot at Martha Stewart, but she proves the point that in order succeed, one must fail. Gotta hand it to her, she knows how to fail in public.......and that takes balls, even for a woman.

A frat boy's wet dream

2005-11-14T08:12:00.000-05:00

Building a better mouse trap is so cliche. Building the better beer tap, now that is golden.

Fast Beer Tap Maker Markets Home Kits - AP

MILWAUKEE - The company that sped up pulls of draft beer at sports stadiums around the country with its Turbo Tap nozzle is bringing the technology to rec rooms across America.

Laminar Technologies LLC has outfitted six sports arenas including U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago and some 30 Chicago bars, receiving fawning media coverage. Time magazine lists the gadget as one of the coolest inventions of 2005 in an issue that hits newsstands Monday (continued...)

-Here is proof that all the beer that engineering students drink while in school is just good research.

"Um, ya we are going to be a little tight next week......

2005-11-13T19:54:00.000-05:00

is there anything we can do about it?" my client asked during a leisurely weekend phone call.

"Yes, there are two things you can do about," I responded. "Either generate some more invoices or start collecting some of your outstanding ones. In fact, forget the first one. Go out and collect some cash that you are owed. Just because we are financing your invoices, doesn't mean you should start forgetting about getting your invoices paid. I am not your father and we are not talking about giving you an advance on your $20 a week allowance here. I am sitting on like $40,000 worth of holdbacks to you guys. I assume that $40,000 in your pocket would make you a little less tight. No?

Now pick up the phone, call your clients and tell them you want your fucking money. Because if you don't do it, I will. And for what ever reason, no matter how polite I am with someone's clients, feathers always get ruffled."

Getting Fucked

2005-11-13T07:28:00.000-05:00

Get your mind out of the gutter. This isn't a post about how I used to pick up chicks before I was married, its about a few of the ways that people will try and seperate you from your money.

I rented The Prime Gig last night. It was a Vince Vaughan flick about a telemarketing boiler room operation. I am not going to tell you that it was the best movie ever, but it was a great example of the way that people get seperated from their money. Its really quite simple, offer them something for nothing. When it comes to money, most people don't think about the risks when they cut a cheque, they just think about the upside, they ignore all of the clues and indicators that this just "ain't a legit" opportunity.

Remember folks, a bad liar lies 90% of the time, a good liar lies 10% of the time.

Reporting on Business Ain't What it Used To Be.

2005-11-11T23:32:00.000-05:00

Thought these two little tidbits were quite, well, um interesting. Seem that reporting on business is becoming a less profitable business

Dow Jones losses mount [The Guardian] and Financial Times editor Gowers resigns [Seattle Post]

-Those who do, do. Those who can't, write? Where does that leave me? I am afraid to ask.

Another example of the golden rule in action

2005-11-10T16:12:00.000-05:00

ACE Aviation shareholders approve C$300 mln payout - Reuters

-I wonder if they gave the employees and any creditors who took haircuts during the restructuring any KY before making this announcement? Could there have been any left in Canada after the restructuring?

Another Poem for the Business Man

2005-11-10T10:31:00.000-05:00

Hey Mr. Banker man, can you write a cheque for me,
My customers are slow but I swear they will come through.
Hey Mr. Banker man, can you write a cheque for me,
When my customers pay I'll gladly give it back to you!

Though I know my business empire returned to the sand,
Cash vanished from my hand,
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
My weariness amazes me, can't afford anything too eat,
Still got payroll to meet,
And the taxman's long hand is still reaching.

(chanted, sung or muttered to the tune of Mr. Tambourine Man by Bob Dylan)

What's your box? (for me, its really more of a cubbyhole actually)

2005-11-10T08:25:00.000-05:00

I remember the first time I heard that question from a banker. I wasn't quite sure what he meant. He clarified himself, what size transactions do you like.

My response, "Oh, I really don't have much of a box, more of a cubbyhole actually. I like small deals. Preferably under $100, 000."

The banker laughed at my response.

Why do I like small? Because small is good training for large. When you are working on small deals, you have to develop the skills (and mentality) to do things within a budget. There is no endless trough of public company funds for lawyers and consultants to munch on. There is no closing "dinner", just a closing "latte" and maybe a closing "biscotti", but that is about it.

We've learned to run a tight ship, a one room whore house if you will (No fucking overhead!) so that when we do grow, more money will flow back to our investors.

On an up note

2005-11-10T07:42:00.000-05:00

So it looks like one of our clients has landed a decent sized order from a large Canadian retailer.

Hopefully he can stop sweating soon :)

Feel free to ask about his experiences in dealing with all of these companies that put on a friendly "we love you, our customers are number one" face to the consumer and then turn around and screw their "partners". It turns out that at the end of one transaction, he actually owes them some money because of all the rebates they took.

Baby Sitter

2005-11-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

That is how I feel sometimes.

I babysit grown people, men mostly (Damn, I wish I had some female clients, they are probably smarter than the guys). I use to tell people that when it comes to entrepreneurship, the dumber the better, that way they stay blissfully ignorant to all of the potential risks they are facing. I used to think the saying went "Too smart for your own good", now I think it should be "Too dumb for your own good". I have answered my own question, yes, you can be too dumb. I guess like all things in life, there is a happy medium somewhere. Maybe I am the happy medium? The jury is still out on that one as I too could be "too dumb for my own good"

It is frustrating. Not looking for pity, just stating a fact.

Every entrepreneur goes through rough times and cash crunches. Multiply that by the number of companies we finance, and that is the number of times, I go through it. Most of the time I can handle it. Sometimes I get shaken.

The problem is that it is the small things that set you off. It's not the numbskulls who don't understand there are only 100 cents in a dollar, you have to keep your patience with them, although sometimes yelling is the only way to get through. It's not the fabricator who can't seem to get a schematic diagram right, despite the fact that this is part of their job. You just keep harassing them until they get it right (yes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease). It that annoying dog that your partner insists on bringing to your office or even worse its your spouse, who has just asked you for a little help around the house that sets you off.

One of the problems with all of the "information" about running and growing a business is that it is all glammed-up bullshit. It leaves out all of the nasty interpersonal details, the screwings, the lies, the conflicts and that is just from your friends :) You read the average "entrepreneurship" magazine and if you have any experience starting and running/building a smaller business, you would swear that whoever they were interviewing and whoever was doing the writing was smoking crack. From time to time, people ask me if there are any books they should read about improving their business. I usually tell them to read the Bible (New or Old testament, doesn't really matter). They ask why. Because sooner or later, every business owner has to pray.

On a lighter note, have you ever wondered why bank guards and armored car personnel (Brinks trucks et al.) carry guns? I mean after all, these guys probably make close to minimum wage, transport/protect money that isn't theirs to keep and all of the money they do protect is insured against theft. Would you pull a gun on someone if you were a bank guard and all they wanted was money?

No, I am not contemplating bank robbery, just silly things I see.

Here's a tip..........

2005-11-09T07:46:00.000-05:00

the ink is already dry.

Democrats Don't Want Libby to Be Pardoned - AP

You think that anyone is going to let Libby talk? The pardon will be issued on the grounds of "its a matter of national security".

Mark my words.

Wednesday News Briefs

2005-11-09T05:50:00.000-05:00

The French (well some of them) are revolting - France invokes emergency riot powers in main cities - [Reuters] - We already knew that, tell us something new for a change.
What do you want to bet that this is just payback for the whole Plame Affair? - GOP Leaders Urge Probe in Prisons Leak [WaPo] - What are the odds that if they do nail someone, he or she is identified as a Democrat?
I wonder how what is going to happen when someone finds out about all of the bad loans sitting on the books of Chinese banks? - Anxiety Drives Chinese Fixation on Frugality [LATimes] - This family is right to be worried and is probably doing good by saving, however, they would probably be better off sticking the money in the fireplace, covered with gasoline than putting it in a Chinese bank.

My friend, Mr. Taxman

2005-11-08T20:27:00.000-05:00

One of the companies we are financing found themselves in a little bit of a pickle, well ok a lot of a pickle (Can you have a lot of a pickle, yes, yes you can) with the tax department.

We had promised our tax friend that we would be making a payment (mid to low 5 figures) on our client's behalf. When we delivered the money to him, he said he was surprised. He didn't think that he would ever see a dollar from us.

We then managed to get our client's monthly payments shaved down by a few thousand dollars a month. This was good.

We were then told that client was still delinquent in their payment plan. This was bad.

We then asked our tax friend for an account statement. He said it would take 4 to 5 weeks. This was, well a little bizarre given the fact that I believe the government stopped using an abacus to calculate taxes at least five years ago.

Next up for these characters, the tax fairness committee, to get some of our, I mean our client's money back.

Tomorrow, finish up an other deal (god willing).

Following in your father's foot steps?

2005-11-08T19:46:00.000-05:00

Rumor has that Al Franken is considering a run for the senate in 2008. Following in the steps of his father, the late senator Paul (there is no Art) Simon.

Can somebody say paternity test?

What have I created?

2005-11-08T19:35:00.000-05:00

Lil' Guy went to bed tonight clutching two rolls of pennies.........what have I done? The kid wants to go to sleep with money. He must get that from my mother-in-law. She sleeps with my father-in-laws credit cards.

The First Year (so you thought the grass was greener on the other side)

2005-11-08T07:51:00.000-05:00

And you went out on your own,
Out of choice?
Out of necessity?
Out of insanity?
To build a business.

You've sweated the sleepless nights.
You've pondered where the next client will come from.
You've thanked god that your spouse isn't a moron like you.

You weren't one of the chosen ones,
anointed with free money to build the next technological Hindenburg,
Every cent you've gathered, you've paid for with your blood.
Every day, you confront the possibility of death by a thousand paper cuts.

You were a metal cutter, a die maker, a good old fashion salesman or maybe someone with dream,
To be their own person, to be their own man.
To go through life standing on their own two feet,
Never needing a sycophant's plan.

You tried the corporate thing, you put your time in for someone else.
They promised you security in return for your soul, but you didn't fall for it.
You didn't drink the corporate "Kool-Aid".
You were so smart. Right?

So somehow you made it through your first year.
Yes, your credit card bills are high,
But that is a only a short term problem you tell yourself.
Until next month they get higher.

Sometimes when you are standing in the shower,
You stop and think, am I fucking crazy?
And then you read things like this,
And wonder, "am I the only sane person?"

You try to remember,
Short term pain,
Long term gain.
But that short term pain keeps rolling over,
Much like those credit card balances.

And you meet with your lender,
That coward,
"Get out from behind that desk and try running a business", you think, as you grind your teeth and say "thank you".

Every time you close your eyes,
You have this image of yourself, 10 years down the line;
"How did you do it?", they all ask to your face.
But you hear the comments behind your back,
You didn't deserve success, you were just lucky.
And you long to be bad-mouthed.

Most have no clue about the risks you took.
They just see the rewards.
Most people went they easy way,
Took the "great" job early on.
Bought the car, the house,
Now they are a victim of their lifestyle,
But it doesn't stop them from trying to knock you down.
You look at them and laugh.

They didn't want to know you when you were poor,
When you were hungry, when you would do anything to survive.
But now you are rich, you can afford morals and ethics.

And to those few who helped you out along the way,
The friend who lent you $10,000,
The supplier who let you slide a few extra days,
You offer your thanks.

But to the rest, the people who slammed the door in your face,
Lacked the courtesy to return a phone call.
Fuck You!

Oh, I've never been asked to do that before!

2005-11-07T21:41:00.000-05:00

No darling, I am not asking you to sleep with me on our first date (beyond the fact that my wife would get a little angry, I just don't find you that attractive), I am asking you to send me a sample of your product before I buy a bunch of it. I'll even pay for it..................get your mind out of the gutter!

Geez, you would think that people who are in the business of selling stuff would actually want to sell some of it.

Yes, I am running in to some trouble sourcing a product.

Ever see a company act like a dumped girlfriend/

2005-11-07T19:09:00.000-05:00

Merger and acquisition (M&A for those in the know) deals usually have break fees built into them in case one of the betroth get cold feet on the way to the alter of corporate union. Some deals even have clauses to compensate the involved parties in case the marriage doesn't work out as planned (a corporate prenuptial if you will).

But I am not sure how often it happens that one company sues another on the basis of buy me or else. Having been on the end of a buy me, I mean marry me or get out (I chose to get out) proposition, I can understand a "buy me now or its over" situation, but I can't understand a "marry me now or I will sue you" ultimatum.

So I guess we will have to see where the Guidant Sues Johnson to Force Buyout situation ends up, but the question is, if this deal goes through, how will husband and wife ever share the bathroom.

Sunday Morning News Scan

2005-11-06T08:20:00.000-05:00

Proof that even commodity traders don't fully understand risk diversification - Lifting the Lid: Rogers' banner year threatened by Refco [Reuters] - Dude, you kept all of your funds at one brokerage? Let this be a less to all of you, risk comes in many flavors. There is market risk, operational risk........yes, Mr Rogers, operational risk.

Wanted: Policital Viagra - Conservatives soar in poll after Canadian scandal [Reuters] - So anyone think the "Tories" can keep it up? Truth is, I am not a Liberal fan, but I dislike them less than Stephen "Pasty White Hope" Harper.

I wouldn't worry about people finding lower prices, I would worry about them finding out how you treat suppliers. - Just Googling It Is Striking Fear Into Companies [NYTimes] - Walmart soils itself over Google's ability to make infromation free (I am now on their hit list for this post- Ed.)

An important word

2005-11-05T14:32:00.000-05:00

Lil' Guy learned an important word today.

"Mine"

As in "That is mine" and "This is mine"

Keep saying "Mine" kid, cause the more you say it , the more that will be yours! Trust me, it works.

Retirement?

2005-11-05T07:13:00.000-05:00

No, not mine. In fact, I can't see myself ever "retiring" in the traditional sense. Slow down, yes, but what I don't really understand is our culture's fascination with "retirement".

Let's face it, most people who retire are not flush with enough cash to travel the world year round and enjoy the finer things in life all of the time. In fact, most (yes, most, not all, most) people I know who are retired or close to it are constantly looking for ways to scale back. I am not talking about people who spent their lives working as assembly line workers or mid level management at some faceless corporation/government department, because they usually have(or at least had pensions a la Enron). I am talking about the well paid professional/bureaucrats who may still own a cottage or a condo in a warmer climate who probably don't have enough saved to maintain their current lifestyle (part of the problems with this group of people is that they think they deserve a certain lifestyle, regardless of if they have earned it........they should try owning/running a business......you learn how to stretch a dollar pretty quick)

What brings the topic of retirement to mind is the fact that the Globe and Mail runs a weekly personal finance article on the topic of retirement/personal financial planning in which they dissect the financial situation of a couple/person and how they are/aren't accomplishing their retirement savings goals and if they don't get their house in order soon, they are going to end up whittling their golden years away working as a Walmart greeter.

My question is, who wants to retire? I get antsy spending a day at home if I am sick. My grandfather hasn't worked worked for 30 years. He had heart surgery in the early 70's and the prevailing logic at the time was that if you have heart problems, you have to take it easy for the rest of you life. Let me tell you, if you think running a business is hard on a marriage, try 30 years of retirement.

So what is my point? We besides saying that marriage is always hard (which it isn't really), I think that the concept of "retirement" is outdated and misguided.

A great example of effective, yet tastefully obtuse branding

2005-11-04T17:08:00.000-05:00

Mr. Happy Crack

No it's not what you think. These guys fix cracks in cement foundations.........no really they do. Mr. Happy Crack, and his slogan“A Dry Crack is a Happy Crack!” become so popular that people started wanting apparel with the logo.

Now I am no one to tell someone when they have gone to far, but where do you go after you bring out your own thongs?

What are friends worth? (yes, you can put a value on friendship)

2005-11-04T16:35:00.000-05:00

Contrary to popular belief, I do have friends, in fact I even have some from my MBA program (about the only thing I got out of the program other than a piece of very expensive rolling paper).

Every now and again, usually about 2 times a year, most of us get together for dinner and contrary to most "reunions", I don't feel any need to get uptight or find a reason not to go, unless there is a legit reason. One of the great things (unless I am oblivious to it, which could always be possible) is that there isn't this overhanging sense of hyper-competitiveness to see "who has done what" or "see what I have". While this could be a case of "we are all miserable failures" I highly doubt it, as at least one of us is bound to accomplish something.

The impetus for these get togethers is usually one of us sending out an email announcing a job promotion, career move or sex change (Just kidding).

So what is my point? These seven friends are each worth about $2857.14 to me, or what it cost me to do my MBA (I got in when tuition was cheap). You thought I was going to say something mushy didn't you. :)

Happiness is:

2005-11-04T15:11:00.000-05:00

Being cash flow positive;
Standing in line at the bank waiting to deposit a cheque (check for you American readers);
Standing in line at the bank waiting to deposit a cheque (check for you American readers) when the cute girl next to you start chatting you up; and
Standing in line at the bank waiting to deposit a cheque (check for you American readers) when the cute girl next to you start chatting you up and she hands you her number before you get a chance to tell her you are married (Don't worry darling wifie, it went straight in the garbage).

No, you can't have more! (aka - get your hand out of my pants)

2005-11-04T13:02:00.000-05:00

You know what I love about entrepreneurs, they are just like teenage boys (or any boy over the age of 12 or so) and being a boy I can relate.

Now you are going to ask, how is an entrepreneur like a teenage boy? Well, they are almost always trying to get more. More of what you ask? Ask any teenage girl (especially one with a boyfriend) what any average teenage boy is trying to get more of and they will probably all tell you the same thing.

A word of advice guys, be happy getting to second base.........Especially on a first date.

So how does this relate to me? I am always asked by entrepreneurs for more money, much like this:
Entrepreneur: Josh, we are working at an 85% advance rate right?
Josh: MMMM, no, we are working at 75%.
Entrepreneur: Well, we can move to 80% pretty soon right?
Josh: We just started working together. Be happy that I let you cop a feel! Now stop wasting time talking to me and go back to work. You have giant bills to pay!

Warping Young Minds

2005-11-04T12:14:00.000-05:00

Just got back in from a short little lecture/sermon I gave at Ryerson University (my brother in law went there for engineering, but I won't hold that against the school) on bootstrapping your own business. Yes, I explained to them what invoice discounting was (I have a book that I send out that does that much better), but more importantly, I tried to impress up this group of eager little beavers, that, like most things in life, things are easily said and not easily done. Ideas are simple, mechanics are simple, execution is a bitch. If you do not have the stomach for a real life horror story, it is not the life for you.

Starting your own business is possibly the dumbest thing you can do. The only thing dumber may be slaving away for somebody else in a job. In other words, making a success of yourself is not easy.

The most important thing that anyone who wants to be successful in business (and something that I am still learning to be comfortable with) is how to manipula.....I mean contro............I mean influence people. Some people are born with this skill, others must practice it.

Lawyers have great blogs

2005-11-03T17:36:00.000-05:00

Take a read of the Anonymous Lawyer, its biting, it's cutting, but alas, it is anonymous. It would be funnier if he at least put his name on it........now that would be risky. I have to start writing more about the people around me. The only difference will be that I actually put my name on it. One of the advantage of running your own show.

But hey, it all comes down to what you like more, pain or drudgery. While often confused, there is a big difference. If you need it explained to you, then you have
only experienced drudgery.

So, yes, I will start insulting my clients, but more than likely I will be cutting up the potential clients, like the guy who told us he would like to borrow money from us, but because he has a limited liability corporation, he will not guarantee it. Or better yet, the people who call me up or send me an email asking me for money like I am a charity.................I am not a charity!

None of you are safe........

Brought to you by the letter H

2005-11-03T14:55:00.000-05:00

as in Hypocrisy

Spell that with me now children H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-S-Y

There's plenty of hypocrisy to go around in Washington The Union Leader and New Hampshire Sunday News

...
Michael Moore, the biggest mouthpiece of the anti-hypocrite left, constantly denounces Republicans as racists for opposing affirmative action. Schweizer reports that Moore almost never hires black people. Moore insists, "I don't own a single share of stock." He denounces clever Enron style schemes to conceal wealth and rails against Haliburton as the Mother of All Evils. He told C-Span's Brian Lamb in his best prolier-than-thou voice that he wanted nothing to do with the stock market. "That's the rich man's game."

Well, it turns out Moore's got another game going. As Schweizer reports, Moore told the IRS his home is the headquarters of his tax-free foundation, to which he contributes some of his millions for the write-off. The foundation, in turn, not only bought stock — its holdings are a Who's Who of "greedy" corporations, including Halliburton (continued...)

-Hell, I consider myself a liberal, but this is funny shit:)

Opinionistas

2005-11-03T10:49:00.000-05:00

Not sure what to say about this chick, other than that she is a fucking riot and shares my contempt for many things in real world.

Her blog is definately worth a read

Opinionista

Yes, she is a lawyer, but don't hold that against her.

Thursday Morning Musings

2005-11-03T09:37:00.000-05:00

Why I swim in the shallow end of the financing pool - Huge Flood of Capital Spurs Risk Taking [WSJ - Subscription required] - Some financial pundits (well ok, maybe just me) have claimed that we have moved from the industrial age to the technological age and now to the financial age, where the only thing you need to have to make money, is money, so some smart people, playing with huge amounts of other people's money, are starting accept higher risk and lower returns - proof that sometimes you need more than money. Are we looking at another bubble? Aren't we always? Aren't I always saying this? Oh well, a broken clock is right twice a day, which is more than most people are. The moral of the story - stay on message, it will eventually sound good.

Another cram down in action? Troubled Maker of Heart Devices May Lose Suitor [NYTIMES] - Could see a $10-$15 per share cut in J&J's offer just because of a few little legal issues. Who would be worse off than Guidant shareholders? People who have Guidant cardiac devices implanted in their chests. Wow, if you fall into both of those categories...........just wow. Let's just say if I were you, I would stay inside for a few days, for fear of an anvil or baby grand piano falling on your head or some other unlikely twist of fate.

Someone is not paying him enough, either that or no one has threatened his family, not sure which - Libby expected to plead not guilty [Reuters]. In a scenario that seems almost cannibalistic, you would think that no one in the current Bush administration would want this guy to sing, but rather cop a plea, cut a deal and Libby writes another book when he gets out of jail and goes on the lecture circuit

Does anyone else

2005-11-02T11:49:00.000-05:00

find it funny when politicians, or worse yet, political pundits, critisize one another (or anyone for that matter) for playing politics? Case(s) in point:

Goodale accused Canaccord Capital Corp., of playing "partisan politics" and following the wishes of Opposition Conservatives with its call for Canadians to lobby their MPs to fight Goodale's plans to reform the sector: Income trust complaints partisan, misleading: Goodale [Montreal Gazette]

In typical partisan and Monday morning quarterback fashion, Senator Reid proclaimed: "We know that there were no [weapons of mass destruction] now in Iraq. We didn't know it at the time. We know now that we didn't know at the time that there was no Al Qaeda connection. We know now that we didn't know then that there was no 9/11 connection. We know now that they had no plan for winning the peace. We didn't know that at the time: Senate Democrats: Past Shameless, Near Seditious [MichNews.com]

What is politics if it is not partisan?

Isn't this a little like critisize some for doing their job?

Maybe I am simple.

Just a thought

From the "Glad it's not my money" Department

2005-11-01T07:58:00.000-05:00

So, I just bet my rent on this 2 legged horse to win the Kentucky derby - Settlement Reached on Motorola - Zafirovski Lawsuit -[Nortel] - "The terms of the settlement provide that Zafirovski cannot disclose Motorola trade secrets or confidential information, and Zafirovski and Nortel have agreed for a specified period to refrain from hiring or recruiting Motorola employees under certain circumstances. The settlement also includes restrictions, until July 1, 2006, on Zafirovski's communications with certain specified companies, some of which are Nortel customers, and limitations on his ability to advise Nortel on competitive strategy or analysis relative to Motorola for a defined period. Zafirovski will also repay Motorola US $11.5 million, which is part of his separation payment from Motorola, and Nortel has agreed to fully reimburse Zafirovski for this repayment. " - so for the next few year this guy is a pretty expensive janitor.

UAL Reports $1.8 Billion Loss [CFO.com] - another example of why being a supplier to large, poorly run companies sucks. Future suppliers should also take heed of this portion of the story: "UAL — whose restructuring is 'largely complete,' according to chief financial officer Jake Brace — is reportedly forecasting a profit in 2006 for the first time since 2000. The AP observed, however, that this forecast assumes that crude-oil prices will average $50 a barrel — more than $10 below the current price." - I am pretty sure that this doesn't need any additional commentary.

I bet he joins the Carlyle Group - Russian president won't seek third term [Seattle Post]- either that or he just decides to "take" a third term, Hosny Mubarak "President for Life" Style.

A little funny money..........

2005-10-31T15:13:00.000-05:00

can go a long way. Truth or hoax? No one is quite sure, but when a country can print its own money, anything can happen.

Exxon dismisses Chinese buyout bid - Reuters

....

"We are not aware of any communication from King Win Laurel Limited that has been delivered to the corporation. We do not believe that King Win Laurel Limited is financially capable of making such a tender offer," Exxon spokesman Dave Gardner said in a statement.

-What does that have to do with anything.........we are talking China here folks

More for the Boo-Fucking-Hoo File

2005-10-31T09:23:00.000-05:00

Canadian Business Leaders Crying Over Spilled Income Trust Money - Trusts draw a line in the sand - [Globe and Mail] - It's not like this tax issue is something new, its kinda been like that elephant in the corner that no one wants to acknowledge. If I was a shareholder, I would also be pissed about the cost of the actual trust conversion, given the fact that everyone involved knew this would be an issue. But hey, that is just me.
Dude, where's my $200 billion - The completion of a vanishing act. AOL founder resigns from Time Warner - [Reuters]
Bring it on. Now we can see what all the fuss is about - The Selling of Al Jazeera TV to an International Market - [NYTIMES] - Bad move for these guys, now there will be no lost in translastion excuse.

Getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar

2005-10-28T09:21:00.000-04:00

Getting caught with your pants down (and look who has a small penis!)
Start the finger pointing
It wasn't us, it was him.
We had no knowledge of these activities
The documents were forged (Sure they were Russia, sure they were)
insert: any other cliche/excuse used to explain your actions, shift the blame or acknowledge that someone caught you doing what you weren't supposed to be doing

So who hasn't gotten caught with their hand in that cookie jar called the UN Food For Oil Program in Iraq?

For what it is worth, Volvo "said on Friday it did not allow bribes but noted payments to work in Iraq were considered normal at the time".

Volvo: many paid to work in Saddam's Iraq - Reuters

Friday Business Funnies - I mean News

2005-10-28T06:21:00.000-04:00

Note to self, learn to say I am going to kill you in a politically correct way - Iran seeks to soften Ahmadinejad comment on Israel [Reuters] - Hey maybe Neil French (former world wide creative director of WPP) can help these guys out with a feel good marketing campaign, I hear he has some time on his hands. Judging from this AFP article, it could be quite a challenging job

Hard times in the land of plenty, some got it all, some ain't got any - Analyst Takes Contrarian Google View [WSJ] - A piece of advice (free, for what its worth) - it's hard to swim upstream when you run a one man research shop, so just give up and join the herd. Face the facts, no one cares about discounted cash flow valuations, until they realize there is no cash flow. "Relative Value" valuation - kiss my ass!
Um, ya, sure? Oil-for-food documents 'falsified': Russia [AFP] - this coming from a country that just arrested one of its tax inspectors for conspiring to accept a $1 million bribe. Here is a tip (and you listen too USA), the key to being a successful liar, politician, businessman (or spouse?) is to tell the truth 90% of the time.

And Another One From The Irony In Action Department

2005-10-27T15:03:00.000-04:00

-Maybe you have missed all of the news about the RC church and some of its issues.

N.J. Students Ordered to Take Down Blogs - AP
By WAYNE PARRY, Associated Press Writer
Thu Oct 27, 9:18 AM ET

NEWARK, N.J. - A Roman Catholic high school has ordered its students to remove personal blogs from the Internet in the name of protecting them from cyberpredators.

Students at Pope John XXIII Regional High School in Sparta appear to be heeding a directive from the principal, the Rev. Kieran McHugh, to remove personal postings about the school or themselves from Web sites like myspace.com or xanga.com, even if they were posted from the students' home computers (continued...)

-On-line predators huh?

Self Test: Should you run your own business

2005-10-26T07:30:00.000-04:00

Yes, it is another "quiz" to determine if you should consider running your own business, but it leaves out all of the political correctness (in other words, you won't see this type of quiz in BusinessWeek) and I'll tell you in advance that if you don't answer "A" to all but the bonus question, you should really not consider running your own show.

1. Which do you prefer?
A. Pain
B. Drudgery
2. Do you have a high tolerance for uncertainty?
A. Yes
B. No
3. Can you spin? Can you simultaneously manage multiple conflicting business and personal relationships - lenders, suppliers, workers, customers, spouse, partner, investors.........
A. Yes
B. No
4. Do you have a strong support system and understanding spouse?
A. Yes
B. No
5. Are you blissfully ignorant (i.e. unconsciously incompetent - you don't know what you don't know) about everything that could/may go wrong with your business?
A. Yes
B. No

Bonus Question (Not essential, but it really helps)

Do you have access to a trust fund/inheritance?
A. Yes
B. No

(Source: Prescott Thackery Merchant Group Ltd.)

We have found, through rigorous pseudo scientific testing, that the majority of people we know that have built themselves up a nice business from scratch often come across like they would have trouble getting dressed in the morning. So if you have trouble reading a letter from a lawyer or just don't understand all that "financial mumbo-jumbo", congratulations, you are on the road to success.

As for all of you who can point out all the risks to a venture, tell people why something won't work and feel at ease working the details, be nice to those people you consider idiots, there is a good chance you could be working for them in a few years.

Here is a credibility booster for BearingPoint

2005-10-25T07:52:00.000-04:00

We can't figure out our own accounting system - Harry You, CEO

BearingPoint's ''Clerical'' Problems
Employees retrace the hours they worked on each project for the past two years; CEO (and interim CFO) Harry You describes a sort of ''perpetual catch-up.''
Stephen Taub, CFO.com
October 24, 2005
Blame BearingPoint's accounting troubles on a new finance package, says chief executive officer Harry You.
In an interview with The Washington Post, the former chief financial officer of Oracle Corp. and Accenture asserted that his firm's woes are the result of employees entering wrong data because they were poorly trained on the company's new financial system (continued...)

-As per BearingPoint's website "BearingPoint provides strategic consulting, application services, technology solutions and managed services to Global 2000 companies and government organizations. We help customers achieve results by identifying mission critical issues and implementing innovative and customized solutions designed to generate revenue, reduce costs and access the right information at the right time".

And people pay BearingPoint to do what?

Your Own Personal Walmart

2005-10-24T22:11:00.000-04:00

-Rumor has it that the next step for Walmart is to build a mini-Walmart into every new home built in North America starting in 2006 and starting in 2010 Walmart will roll out "In-Vivo-Walmart" that will be implanted in the wombs of all pregnant women so their children start life off the Walmart way. Another rumor was that Walmart just canned their advertising agency for coming up with the following hook "Walmart, we are everywhere, kinda like cockroaches"

Wal-Mart to open 270 to 280 supercenters - Reuters

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Wal-Mart Stores Inc. plans to open 270 to 280 supercenters in the next fiscal year and add more than 60 million square feet to its total retail space, an increase of more than 8 percent.
The world's biggest retailer, which faces increasing opposition to its rapid expansion, particularly in urban areas, said it would open between 20 and 30 discount stores, which are smaller than the supercenters and do not include a full line of groceries (continued...)

People for Sale! People for Sale!

2005-10-24T12:26:00.000-04:00

-Hey maybe there is some hope for the new auction ventures I have been working on, http://www.auction-your-organs.com and http://www.slave-auction.com.

Babies for sale on eBay site in China, says report

By: Sumner Lemon
IDG News Service (Taipei Bureau) (21 Oct 2005)
Authorities in Shanghai are investigating the attempted sale of babies on eBay Inc.'s auction site in China, the official China Daily newspaper reported Thursday.

A seller using the name "Chuangxinzhe Yongyuan" claimed the babies were being offered to help infertile couples and would come from China's Henan province, the China Daily report said. Baby boys were priced at 28,000 renminbi (US$3,454) while baby girls were offered for 13,000 renminbi, the newspaper reported, citing an eBay executive (continued...)

Sure to win an Oscar

2005-10-23T20:00:00.000-04:00

Came across this little "documentary" on Walmart WAL-MART: The High Cost of Low Price that claims to takes you behind the glitz and into the real lives of workers and their families, business owners and their communities, in an extraordinary journey that will challenge the way you think, feel... and shop.

-Is this biased? Of course, but what the hell what isn't these days. Having had some experience dealing with these guys, I can give you a few "bed time" stories. Just remember, there are very few winners in the race to the bottom and truth be told, many of the people who shop at these large discounters are probably canabilizing their own sources of income. But live and learn...........when your manufacturing job goes bye-bye

Ponzi Scheme - FEMA Style

2005-10-23T19:33:00.000-04:00

Haulers Low in Katrina Cash Food Chain - AP

LAUREL, Miss. - Midway through his first day as a bit player in the Hurricane Katrina cleanup, Tracy House began wondering whether his piece of the pie wasn't just another guy's leftovers.

"Are you pulling someone else's trailer?" jibed a fellow truck owner, eyeing the out-of-state caboose House had towed into the lot of the local Burger King. "Man, you can go down there and get your own contract!"

It hasn't been nearly that simple. More than seven weeks after Katrina ripped this region apart, there's plenty of money to be made clearing piles of twisted tree limbs, uprooted trunks and splintered wallboard.

But the ones claiming most of the profit, House and others like him say, aren't those working as sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-contractors.....

...Laborers, meanwhile, have pitched tents alongside the dump trucks and knuckle-boom loaders crowding the median of Orleans Avenue. Some sleep behind the wheels of their vehicles.

They pay $5 to take a shower in a trailer brought in by the prime contractor. A catering tent, which served free meals in the first weeks of the cleanup, charges $7 for breakfast, $9 for lunch and $12 for dinner (continued...)

-Not sure why this is news (you may then also ask why I am writing about this)? People expect to get screwed by the governement and large businesses. No? Don't people complain about this all the time? What I find newsworth is that people never learn (despite repeated screwings). You know what the problem is, these people never took an ethics course when they were in school :)

Snuz for a Sunday

2005-10-23T15:45:00.000-04:00

As much as I dislike Trump, I admire the guy for putting it all on the line. Dislike his hair, love his balls - What is he really worth? NY Times (Registration Required - Free) (The thing that is reassuring about this guy is that you always know what to expect - hype).
How is this for social teaching social responsiblity - repeat after me "DON'T BREAK THE FUCKING LAW!" Do you really need to teach this to people in graduate school? - Ivey Lauded for Social Responsiblity - The Globe and Mail
Oh No! Broadway ticket prices are rising! Now the middle class are going to have choose between eating and watered down culture for the dim (Here's a quarter - call someone who cares) - The Great Green Way - Wall Street Journal

Cold Calling - Kickin' it Old School - it's like hitting home runs or trying to get laid

2005-10-20T20:46:00.000-04:00

You are going to strike out a lot in the process

I got the lead on this article from the Recruiting blog and thought it was worthy of a few minutes of my time, despite the fact that it came from Inc. magazine.

48 Hours with the King of Cold Calls

The marketing sophisticates say cold calling is dead -- that it's too expensive, too untargeted, and too ineffective to pay off. Chuck Piola, 15,000 cold calls and one fast-growing company later, disagrees. Center City Philadelphia on a raw winter morning. Chuck Piola bursts out of his black Mercedes singing in full throat (this time it's the Drifters tune "Under the Boardwalk," handled off-key but with feeling) and scans a cluster of skyscrapers. He points to a building with particularly striking architecture. "Let's try that one," he says.
It's the Bell Atlantic Tower, 52 stories tall. He strides quickly through the lobby, carefully avoiding eye contact with the security guards. In the elevator he glances at the buttons and pushes 40, a shot in the dark. The elevator rises, and Piola pops out. Straight ahead is a law firm he's never heard of before.

"I wonder if you could help me out?" he asks the receptionist, opening with his favorite line. "I represent NCO Financial Systems. We specialize in discreet recovery work for companies having trouble collecting receivables. Our clients include Bell Atlantic, a lot of doctors and hospitals, and even the Philadelphia 76ers. I happened to be in your building, and I wondered if I might see whichever partner handles your finances." His tone is upbeat and cordial (continued...)

-While I disagree with some of his ideas/suggestions in the article for building rapport such as discussing sports, office pictures or something of common interest (it is time suck and doesn't get to the meat of the matter), I love the hustle and to me, this is business, going out and hunting down clients and dragging them back to your lair by the hair. If I ran a debt collection business, I would be out doing the same thing. In fact, that could be my next adventure.....

As someone who bounces between wearing a bow tie and dressing like a bum, I know the impression that clothing can make, but Chuck is one of the few people I have come across that recognizes the fact that sometimes you have to have a lot of power to dress like you don't give a fuck. Many of the people I deal with are impressed by expensive clothing and cars, and while I agree the have a positive impact on the wearer/driver's psyche, I know that almost anyone can scratch the money together to lease a Porsche. Just remember, all the world's a stage.......what part are you playing or did you even know your role?

Despite all of the new sales "techniques" that "experts" come up with in order to avoid "touching people", I think the only way to success is to get down and dirty. Take a look at the 50 all time strike out leaders and now take a look at the 50 all time leading home run hitters .......see a little bit of over lap? If you want to succeed, you have to fail (How zen of me, huh?) Why not ask your studliest guy friend how many times he has been turned down by women he has tried to pick up. If he tells you never or not often, he's been lying to you about all of those chicks.

You think that somebody would have thought of this issue

2005-10-20T08:13:00.000-04:00

-More proof that companies don't fuck up, management fucks them up. Tearing a quote out of Dilbert - talk about blinding flashes of the obvious; No one thought that this guy had a non-compete clause in his deal with Motorola? Not the Board, not the headhunters? Not the lawyer who negotiated Zafirovski's agreement with Nortel?
Whether or not the non-comp agreement is enforceable is another issue, but it looks like this could be another chapter for the book "Bumbling in Brampton: The Nortel Story.

Incoming Nortel CEO Zafirovski sued by Motorola - Reuters
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Nortel Networks Corp.'s incoming president and chief executive, Mike Zafirovski, has been sued by Motorola Inc., his former employer, the companies said on Wednesday.

The lawsuit, which does not name Nortel as a defendant, alleges Zafirovski broke agreements by accepting the top position with Nortel and that his new role will inevitably result in the disclosure of Motorola's trade secrets (continued...)

-What more can you say about Nortel........The company that keeps peeing on itself and believes that it is raining. Where is John Roth when you need him? Probably with John Hunkin.............laughing.

Denial - It's just not a river in Egypt. It's also a place near Detroit!

2005-10-19T16:40:00.000-04:00

-How many other companies have denied bankruptcy before filing?

Wagoner: GM Not Considering Bankruptcy - AP

By DEE-ANN DURBIN

DETROIT - General Motors Corp. isn't considering bankruptcy protection as a way to solve its financial problems, Rick Wagoner, the automaker's chairman and CEO, said Wednesday.

"There are significant costs to bankruptcy, and we don't think it's an option," Wagoner said in an interview with The Associated Press. "Talking about it actually hurts the business." (continued...)

Boo-Fucking-Hoo

2005-10-18T07:50:00.000-04:00

Hey buddy, here's a quarter, call someone who cares!

The Auditor-Investor ''Expectation Gap''

Investors seem to expect that an audit is an assurance of a company's financial health, laments Deloitte's CEO, who maintains that there's only so much an audit firm can do.

Stephen Taub, CFO.com
October 17, 2005

Investors may have unrealistically high expectations from auditors, said William Parrett, chief executive officer of Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu, in an interview with the Toronto Globe and Mail.

Parrett acknowledged that his industry must do a better job of performing audits and avoiding potential conflicts of interest between auditing and consulting work. According to the newspaper, however, he also warned that "we've always had this expectation gap between what the auditor really can do and what the investing public wants the auditor to do, or wants the audit to represent."
For example, Parrett elaborated, investors seem to expect that an audit is an assurance of a company's financial health. In fact, he reportedly stressed, an audit is an attestation of the accuracy of a company's financial statements, based on information that the company itself provides.(
continued...)

-Duh? Really? Hey Parrett, I am sure most investors would be happy if audits were accurate. No semi-sophisticated investor or anyone who knows what an audit is would claim that an audit assures financial health.........GM has an auditor (hell it could be your firm for all I know) and I don't think that anyone is mad at the auditor because GM just lost a few pennies this quarter. Good try at attempting to confuse auditor negligence with corporate mismanagement. Me thinks that maybe the occasional auditor doesn't have the balls to ask the tough questions............so let me get this straight, 2 days before the quarter closes you sell off $300 million of obsolete inventory and buy it back 3 days later at 10 cents on the dollar and don't record the loss?.........sounds kosher to me.

T minus 120 Days

2005-10-17T10:02:00.000-04:00

until GM files for creditor protection? Any takers? A house of cards built on a foundation of quicksand is starting to look good in comparison to the house that Alfred Sloan built.

GM posts huge loss as costs rise

DETROIT (Reuters) - General Motors Corp. (NYSE:GM - news) on Monday posted a massive quarterly loss as high gasoline prices slammed sales of big sport utility vehicles and rising costs for everything from raw materials to health care eroded profits (continued... )

So Guess Who Got Himself a Pulpit

2005-10-16T18:45:00.000-04:00

Me, that's who!

Mark November 4, 2005 on you calendars kiddies as that is the day that Josh Kerbel is being unleashed on unsuspecting business students at Ryerson University in Toronto.

Yes, it is true, someone was crazy enough to give me an hour in front of a group of business students "lecturing" on the topic of alternative business financing.

So, I have some time to plan for the event. I figured that I would shed some light on the realities of financing a business and the actual mechanics of how it is done (yes, the paper work.............you would think that they cover this stuff in business school, but from my experience they don't) and some of the pitfalls and scams to be avoided.

ha ha ha!

Yahoo bends over for the "Big Red Machine"?

2005-10-15T10:29:00.000-04:00

Looks like it did. Hey isn't Jerry Yang from Tiawan?

WAR - WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

Battle blogging for profit

By Xeni Jardin

Xeni Jardin is co-editor of the blog BoingBoing and a contributor to Wired magazine and National Public Radio.

October 9, 2005

AS BLOGS become big business, Internet giants have begun trying to profit from new forms of journalism, including war coverage. The results are not encouraging.

Yahoo's latest experiment reveals that it considers war news just another form of entertainment. This from an online giant that has already shown it is cavalier about press freedom and a friend of oppression.

Look back to 2004, when reporters at a Hunan province newspaper listened as their editorial director read a statement from the Communist Party's Propaganda Department about the upcoming 15-year commemoration of the Tiananmen Square massacre. It warned that dissidents may use the Internet to
spread "damaging information."

One reporter used an anonymous Yahoo e-mail account to ask a colleague in New York to post a report about the statement on pro-democracy website Minzhu Tongxun (Democracy Newsletter).

But as the 37-year-old married reporter behind the numeric pseudonym "198964" learned, he shouldn't have assumed that Yahoo defends press freedom. When Chinese security agents asked executives at Yahoo Holdings (Hong Kong) to identify the man, they did so. Police grabbed him on a street, searched his house and seized his computer and other belongings, according to documents filed in his defense (
continued...)

-I am wondering if they don't have a word in chinese for pseudonym? I mean really, why would this guy give Yahoo his real name

Here we go again!

2005-10-06T09:28:00.000-04:00

Sham Deals? Loans Disguised As Income? Special Purpose Entities? ........It's, It's...........Delphi or is it Enron Part Deux?

Delphi Sued over Inventory Deals - CFO.com

Four pension funds have filed a class-action lawsuit against Delphi Corp., alleging in part that the company improperly treated financing transactions as sales, causing it to overstate revenue and earnings.

In addition to the Troy, Michigan-based auto-parts supplier, the lawsuit named as defendants three companies that "entered into sham transactions intended to falsely inflate Delphi's reported financial results," according to the web site of plaintiffs' lead counsel Bernstein Nitwits Berger and Grossman. The law firm identified those companies as Speech; BBK Ltd.; and Bank One Automotive Group, which was acquired by J.P. Morgan Chase & Co (continued... )

-Will this crap ever end?

Oy Gevalt!

2005-10-05T16:41:00.000-04:00

JDate banners feature pictures of porn models - Haaretz

Her name is Hila. She is 22 years old and lives in Tel Aviv. She is very attractive, single, looking for a Jewish husband from a good family, and most important - she is a mouse-click away. This is how the banner persuades you, the Jewish bachelor, to enter the Jewish dating site JDate and find the love of your life.

But Hila in the banner is no other than pornographic model Kari Gold, 18 years old, who lives in Hungary. (continued...)

-Is this Kosher?

My favorite legal term

2005-09-30T11:14:00.000-04:00

"execution"

Another Form of Cramdown

2005-09-29T08:53:00.000-04:00

So, you thought the US automotive industry was in the shitter already, hell its starting to look attractive for a daring private equity firm to come in and scoop up a few troubled automotive suppliers.

Ford to Cut Half of Suppliers to Improve Technology - Bloomberg
Sept. 29 (Bloomberg) -- Ford Motor Co. will cut half of its suppliers and sign long-term contracts with the rest to reduce costs and improve technology as the world's third-largest carmaker struggles to reverse declining profit and shrinking sales.

Ford will announce agreements today with Sweden's Autoliv Inc., Delphi Corp., Johnson Controls Inc., Lear Corp., Canada's Magna International Inc., Visteon Corp. and Japan's Yazaki Corp., said Gabriele Gutscher, a spokeswoman for Ford in Cologne, Germany (continued...)

Well, it really sucks if you are an automotive supplier and you aren't one of those companies named above. Well, somebody had to pay for all of those price discounts. Well let's see, you have a few airlines in Chapter 11, a few automotive suppliers........anyone starting to see a trend?. Looks like pension heavy business ain't what they used to be..........the next thing to keep any eye out for is these companies to be shedding their pension obligations.

Don't believe the hype

2005-09-27T17:09:00.000-04:00

Or a giant game of broken telephone in action?

Some Reports of N.O. Violence Exaggerated - AP

No? Really? There weren't mass murders? You would think that someone in the media might second guess reporting this crap in the first place with out getting real confirmation of such "sensational" stories.

You mean this isn't Bosnia?

Not trying to be a negative nelly (paraphrasing Ned Flanders)

2005-09-23T08:52:00.000-04:00

but couldn't the very download of this "evade the censors" manual get you in some deep shit in some of these countries? (I assume this comes with a compendium or addendum on how to withstand torture, basic prison survival skills and escape planning.)

Media watchdog tells bloggers how to avoid censors - Reuters

PARIS (Reuters) - A Paris-based media watchdog released a handbook on Thursday to help cyber-dissidents and bloggers avoid political censorship in countries as far apart as China, Iran, Vietnam and Cuba (continued... )

So I got this email........(aka I wouldn't hire an fresh MBA with your money)

2005-09-22T16:24:00.000-04:00

from the dean of the business school I went to, Schulich School of Business, tell me about how well the school did on a recent WSJ survey.

My thoughts, big fucking deal. I can say that having wasted a few years doing (and finishing) my MBA. If your idea of being "in business" is drawing a "good salary" (what ever it is you consider good), then darling, you ain't "in business". Being in business means sweating it out trying to meet payroll, keeping your overhead bare bones and playing with real money, not the treasury of some national or multinational corporation (money is not just a few numbers on a page followed by a bunch of zeros). Being in business means knowing how to play 3 hands of poker at once at three different tables, all with different rules. Climbing the corporate ladder is much different than being in business. While both are a skill, the more I see, the more I am begining to think that they are mutually exclusive. Being in business means that you usually don't have someone else to pin the blame on when things go wrong.

Being in business means that you cannot always take the moral or ethical high road. Take a look back through history and you will see that the most successful people are often not the most ethical, but guess what, that is life, regardless of what they try to teach in business school ethics class. What I am getting at is that sometimes in business you have to do what you have to do. I am not talking about criminal activity, but lets face it people act in their own self interest. Having been on the "short end" of other people's legal, but unethical behavior, I can safely say, yes it sucks, but that is part of the game. How "ethical" is it for companies like Altria, which sell a product known to cause cancer in its users, to spout this sort of crap.

Ah, what can you say about Schulich, the school that with approximately 9000 alumni in the Toronto area that could not put together a Toronto alumni chapter (I can speak from experience as I was part of the "organizing" committee), but can some how manage to have its "homecoming" for 2005 in Shanghai.

A perfectly good example of why NOT to put live television on airplanes

2005-09-22T08:28:00.000-04:00

As someone who was flying across the Atlantic from Berlin to Toronto (ended up in Moncton actually, almost landed in Gander.......thank god we didn't) on September 11/2001, here is a perfectly good example of why live TV on planes is bad.

Crippled Jet Lands Safely at L.A. Airport - AP

LOS ANGELES - The airliner circled Southern California for hours, crippled by a faulty landing gear, while inside its cabin 140 passengers watched their own life-and-death drama unfolding on live television (continued... )

-In relation to the events of September 11, knowing about the events while in the air would not have caused me as much stress as dealing with the reaction of the people around me. Having a rather high tolerance for uncertainly and danger is something I have (no sense worrying when you have little control over external situations), dealing with other peoples' histrionics is not a skill I posses in any great quantity. In other words, I was glad there were no TV's on the plane.
Sometimes, I really believe in the phrase "this information is on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know it".

Not a Gadget Freak

2005-09-21T16:04:00.000-04:00

But this baby looks cool. A "real" notebook computer. None of this binder-sized "notebook" computer crap.

www.oqo.com

Canada..............a great place to rip off the government

2005-09-19T22:15:00.000-04:00

Hey, I hear that when you get caught stealing from the government in some countries, they cut off your head. In Canada, they just make you go to your room.

I hope, for the government's sake, they at least got some good information out of Coffin.
CBC News: Paul Coffin sentenced in federal sponsorship scandal - CBC

Quite Possibly the Best Business Quote

2005-09-16T11:53:00.000-04:00

"Run a business like a one storey whorehouse - No Fucking Overhead"

Source - (Who Has Time For This?: The Best Startup Advice I Have: Felda Hardymon)

Like condos, but for kids. No?

2005-09-13T09:16:00.000-04:00

Here is an idea that is sure not to take the market by storm......kiddie cages.

Eleven Children Found Caged in Ohio Home - AP

I mean sure, I probably deserved to be caged when I was a kid, but luckily it is illegal. I wonder where the law stands on caging mothers-in-law..................could be cheaper than a nursing home (oh Agnes..............where are you?) Now that could be a killer app.